Aimless and Useless Existence: Nerves
Sallie dearest:
I just simply have to have a talk with you because I can’t hold in any longer – how am I going to stand this for more than a year longer – here I’ve been away from home only two months – never knew before that I had any nerves but guess I have but such ridiculous things irritate me that I am ashamed of myself. I don’t know whether I am getting religion or what but this life seems about as far off the straight and narrow path as anything could be – always in the pursuit of pleasure and excitement for ourselves with never a thought for anyone else. I meet dozens of new people every day – make a few of the same foolish remarks to them then that is all – everything on the surface so much that people are afraid to be sincere of even serious for fear of being thought prim and no sport. I think this all over so often and then remember that probably this is just my little mission because it is so hard for me – I mean to grin and bare it and be a comfort to father – but I really don’t see how I can be anything but a disappointment even tho’ I try to put on a bold front and pretend I enjoy sight seeing, meeting all kinds of strangers, etc. It all seems such an aimless and useless existence, not being any good even to myself and if I could only do something that would count – something that I could look back on each night and say “Well that is something worth-while accomplished.” Just think of what a lot I would have in a hospital!! I can be just as enthusiastic as anyone over some things but wish I could get worked up over everything and just rattle along like other people. I enjoy parties and having good times just as much as anyone but I don’t think it is right to make a business of it so that you have no time for other things or else are so tired that you have to rest up right away and what for? – simply another party – that’s the kind of lives everyone here leads and I will not stand for it. There is a naval officers wife here who has just gotten her divorce. She is only 26 and just as sweet as she can be – never have I known anyone who has had to go through what she has & practically all her life too. She seems very lonesome & so we have been together a lot. She has a dear little girl just three. Last night she got a cable that her father had died and I have been doing all I could for her so just now feel that I am at least helping her a little. I think it is wicked to go around looking bored to death and with never a smile for anyone so I do my “durndest” and hope that I make some one a little happier, at least don’t depress them. This sounds as though I had been reading little “Daily Helps” or some such books, but I haven’t let off steam for so long that I must now. If there is anything I hate to see it is someone who is bored with the place and people around them, so I am in a chronic state of getting mad at myself and then my conscience pricks me horribly for the way I act and I make all kinds of resolutions to no avail. Then I think of how others have to sufer, mentally and physically, slave along and still gain nothing, so I should be as contented and happy as a bird. Dear me, haven’t I complained a lot, don’t tell anyone will you? But I am so lonesome to see you and talk to you and oh! How long it will be!
A friend took the Case’s and us out to a sugar plantation; we went all through it; saw the sugar in all stages and it was very interesting. We had lunch at the overseer’s house which was beautiful and he certainly entertained us royally.
Heaps of love for you angel
Alice
August 24, 1912
Mercolized Wax
August 11, 1912
Sallie dear:
I expected to tell you about the volcano in this letter but the crew struck so the steamers haven’t run for several days, but we hope to go next Saturday.
Everything is about the same- something going on every minute till now I have been forced to get up early and walk four or five miles before breakfast, it being the only time I can find to call my own and get away from the “howling mob”. Really I don’t see how the people can stand it for it certainly bores me to death for even the short time we have been here.
Have you ever heard of “poi”? It is the native food here made from taro root which is pounded up and allowed to ferment. Then they cook it till it looks a little like oatmeal only smooth and gray. And they eat it with their fingers. You can have one finger, two finger, or three finger poi, according to how thick it is. I simply can’t touch it, oh! It is awful, but they make what they call a poi cocktail – mix the taro powder with milk till it is a little thicker than buttermilk, but not as sour. It is fine, and I have a glass every day for lunch. We expect three battleships in this week so there will be gay times and lots on hand as they always give so many dinners and teas, etc. Am still enjoying the swimming. I can’t say enough in praise of mercolized wax – have used it since I left the Naval Station in June and now have a complexion like “baby’s”. Really it is fine. Don’t forget Naval Station, Tutuila, Samoa.
Heaps of Love,
Alice
Devil Fish at the Moana Hotel
August 4, 1912
Tell Sallie to send our next letters to Samoa, Navy Yard, Tutuila I think it is. We sail from here the 2nd.
Dear Shang,
Oh! It is hot as fire today! They say really unusually hot for Honolulu so I am in hopes that it won’t last long.
We have been leading the gayest kind of life – some luncheon, tea, dinner or party of some kind every day so that Betty and I have been more than busy. It is alright but I am about at the end of my string and can’t stand being with people much longer. This morning before breakfast I walked out to the Moana Hotel. It is a six mile walk and along the ocean the whole way. I think I shall do that everyday for I feel more agreeable tonight than I have for days. If I had to live in a climate like this I am afraid it would soon get on my nerves. Really it is absolutely perfect all the time. I should even be glad to see a rip snorting old thunder storm & you know how I hate thunder as a rule. Oh! I wish you could see the flowers here; everywhere is nothing but bright colors – the Royal Poinciana I think reigns supreme. It is like a huge umbrella, as big as our oaks and just one mass of fire. You can’t see the leaves for the scarlet flowers; then there are what they call the golden shower and the pink shower very much like it. The walks are lined with high cut hedges of red hibiscus and the porches covered with yellow Allamandas or purple bougainvillea. You would love it, I know. The Oahu college covers several squares and is surrounded by a stone wall. Now you can no longer see the wall because it is covered with night-blooming cereus. It blooms only twice a year and then only at night for a week during full moon. The blossoms are as big [as] medium sized deep bowls, pure white and waxy with yellow fuzzy centers. We were fortunate enough to see them last week.
We go swimming every day and often in the evening by moonlight. Every night the natives come around the houses or walk up and down the streets playing their ukuleles and singing and in the mornings with big baskets of flowers to sell.
Have you ever seen a devil fish? They are like octopuses (or would that be pi?) only smaller measuring about three or four feet when spread out, legs and all. Each feeler is covered with little suckers and when one gets on you it is goodbye forever. They have an enormous pouch they fill with air behind their head and can change any color of the rainbow- ugh! I had nightmares for a week after I saw them. We went to a luncheon with some people who live rather far out of town and right on the water. It was there that we went down to watch the native women catching them in the coral. After spotting one, a woman sticks a long pole under a little pocket in its head, brings it in, then grabs all the feelers in one hand so it can’t get hold of her and then quick as a flash bites out each eye with her teeth! Really it is [the] most repulsive slimy thing I ever looked at!!
An army transport came in early yesterday morning and we all went down to see the people on board and tonight are going to see her leave for the States. My would dad and I love to be going on her, even as a stow away. I hope you have a fine time at Ella Boyer’s. Do give her my love for she was always one of my ideals.
Heaps of love,
Alice
Hawaii
[Honolulu]
July 12, 1912
Angel,
I am sending with this some Japanese toweling. It is used so much over here and I thought perhaps you would like some – so many of the women here use it for over-curtains in the bedroom, runners on the table, laundry bags or anything. The little round pattern they hemstitch in squares for tea napkins, doilies, etc. It is the large sum of sixty cents for ten yards so if you want any more let me know right away because from here there is no duty.
The Cases met us at the steamer and said we must come right up with them – they have a cunning little bungalow right beside the Courtland Hotel where they have their meals. I am with Betty but there was not room for father so he has a room in the hotel and I think that before long I had better go over for I am afraid I will crowd them here, but we can still be together all the time. Capt. Case has a car and we spend a lot of time in it – the drives around here are so lovely. Betty and I have been swimming every day. It is wonderful here. She is giving a swimming party tonight by moonlight. We are just going to make the sandwiches and all the rest of the stuff for it. We think we won’t leave here till Sept. 2nd so you will probably have time to answer this here c/o Capt. D. B. Case. It is pretty hot, but the climate here really is lovely. Yesterday we went to a luncheon and the day before to a tea at the Country Club.
Heaps of Love,
Alice
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